all the the white horses

broken, at the District Attorney’s office
how did it come to this?
would i be able to articulate what happened?

but i always seem to surprise myself
how public speaking is not so scary now
or even skydiving, how uneventful it seemed

i was asked if i wanted an attorney
i said i can’t think of a reason for that
and shared the names, descriptions, addresses

i shared the photos, emails, and messages
i shared the proof that he stalked us on vacations
i shared the messages he sent me on your birthday

i shared his posts and your collusions
before he thought to take things down
even his “biggest moon ever” post

and the helpful one at the DA
took pictures for her records
and looked at me, saw me, broken

dear one, i shared the email of our breakup
proof that i accepted it
but apparently my mind was too quiet for you

you revealed he was always on our trips
so i looked through all the photos, emails, and messages
and looked at you in a different way, broken

you wanted to hurt me
maybe you even wanted my life
which i offered – the break up was your idea

a 47 year old woman
ending it all with an email
thank you, ma’am, for the documentation

when are you gonna make up your mind
was this the dream you always wanted?
all the white horses have gone ahead

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Insight: The lines when are you gonna make up your mind and all the white horses have gone ahead reference lyrics from Winter, a song by Tori Amos from her debut album Little Earthquakes (1992).

Image credit: Neptune’s Horses (circa 1892), Walter Crane.